For as long as I can remember when the holidays came around my mom would watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” on TV. I would sit with her and we would watch it together. Jimmy Stewart’s character in the movie was a husband who was trying to see the world while also trying to help it. One event after another kept knocking him down from what he was trying to achieve in life. He finally hits rock bottom and decides to kill himself. An angel stops him from doing so and shows him how important his life is to so many people.
Something about this movie always struck a chord with my mom. Maybe she saw some parallels between his life in the movie and her own. She was always trying to help people. She wanted to see people win. She didn’t help people because she got something from it. It was the exact opposite for her. She did it because she didn’t want anyone to feel like she did while growing up. My mom wanted to be an advocate for someone. She wanted to beat up the bully.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been learning new things about myself. I am just like my mom and that I like to help people. The difference between the two of us is much different. Where my mom didn’t help people for her ego, I do. I don’t outwardly do things for attention but they give me purpose for my life. Sometimes this can be detrimental to me. It spreads me thin in life. A few weeks ago I felt like my cup runneth over. The other day my cup was dry as I struggled with the new revelations that I learned about myself.
In the movie there comes a part where the main character is shown what his life would look like if he had never been born. He learns his purpose in this part of the movie. I couldn’t imagine not having my mom in my life. I had her for 46 years and they were wonderful. I am her and she is me. We are one and the same.
Tonight, while sitting at my desk, I didn’t know what to watch on TV. I thought of my mom and well you know the rest.